meals with you

In the sea of shaved heads, I look down to my dark brown grimy tray, on it lays a plate of lumpy rice, with some limp vegetable, and some overcooked beef in gravy, with a pathetically small piece of fried fish.
And I think about the other time, at Mr Bean's cafe, where we had mediocre western food. I had  Lasagna, and you had chicken bolognese.
Or the other time we at the hawker beside Hougang mall, where we had 'cai fan', your usual selection, steam egg tofu, and vegetable.
Or the other time at we had Teochew porridge along Serengoon road, we peeled the flesh off the pomfret, and served each other.
Or the other time at Saturdate cafe, we met after I finished work, we had good wings, good nachos. You loved their nachos because of the cream cheese.
Or the other time we had Kebab at Clark Quay, I remember that next time I should add more cheese and only add lettuce for the vegetable selection.
Or the other time we had a lunch date at Gastronomia, you had salmon and mushroom rice box, I had ravioli.
Or the other time we had lunch at my place, I made risotto with scallops, the one that looked like a black boob.
Or the other time we had lunch at Singapore Polo Club, you prepared lunch for me, I really enjoyed that meal, because it was made with love, and I could taste it!
Food really doesn't matter to me much. But I miss having meals with you, I miss you so much.

Talking to the Moon

The moon in Tekong is really big and bright. During the night marches I would look longingly into the moon. I look at the moon and wonder how you are doing, and I wonder if you are looking at the moon too, whether you miss me there. Bruno Mars really hit the spot. That thought is so, so cheesy, I can't believe I thought about it, but yea I did. I think about you a lot, and I miss you.

you are wonderful

I want to remind you of how wonderful you are,
in my every word,
in my every action,
in hope that one day,
when you are at your lowest,
there would be a faint voice in your head,
reminding you of your wonderfulness.

Monotony of Marching

It is tiring in Tekong, shouting to getting shouted at, rushing and waiting. Life of an recruit, it isn't just the physical tire but also the mental strain. Somedays, I just want to lay back, put all the schedules behind, maybe have a nice chat with someone special, someone that is able to take away the realities of army, even if it is just temporary, someone who makes me feel like a civilian again, someone who will make me feel loved.
So in the army, we march everywhere, as long as a group of us is moving from one point to another, we have to march there. The other day, amidst the monotony of marching, I was thinking about my life now, my life as a recruit.
It suddenly hit me on how fortunate Simon was. He had someone special to stand by him during this phase of life, even more so fortunate because you were that special person. You went down all the way to Pasir Ris to see him the moment he book out. That must be such a wonderful feeling, to have someone special, be it a girlfriend, or a lover, to see you after a week of physical and mental strain. I am envious of him, and also so angry. He didn't know how fortunate he was, he didn't cherish you, he didn't treated you the way you deserved to be, and you deserve the best. On top of all that, he broke all promises, made you cry, and didn't even had the courage to give you closure. The irony that he even went to command school. He doesn't deserve you, you are wonderful and beautiful and special and you deserve someone so much better.

enlistment

It has been about 6 days since I enlisted, time is really precious. There is so much to do, and sometimes there isn't enough time to complete it, especially before lights out. I've learnt to count the minutes, I think that is good especially for a procrastinator like me. That being said, I haven't gotten the time to jot my experience and thoughts down.

I have many things I want to write about, but more importantly, I want to write about the times we spent before I enlisted into the army, the experiences with you. There is so much to write about you, and there is even more I wanted to do with you.
I wanted to bring you and cookie out to Raffles Marina. Watch the sunset while munching on subway, just like how we did at Holland Plain.
Actually, I had gotten tickets for SEA Aquarium. I wanted to bring you there, show you my previous workplace, kiss you in front of the Mantas, and maybe meet Ruyi, she is someone special to me, just like you!
This is regret greatly not doing. I wanted to surprise you at your place the day before you departed, and when you send me to my car before I leave, I would give you a tight hug, and a kiss to the forehead, to show my affection and love to you. Or maybe I would have given you just a kiss, my dry lips against your luscious, just like the first time.
Time is running out now, I've got to go, but just know that sunsets with you are even more beautiful, and that you are special to me, and that darling your lips.

tonight you are in Perth

'if love is built not found
it all comes back around'

Tonight you are in Perth,
Tomorrow I am in Tekong.
Just 7 months ago, I kissed you on your lips,
Just now, I hugged you goodbye.
We really came to the end of this special relationship.
I am sad, but it isn't anguish, nor is it painful.
It is just a hopeless desire to have more time with you.
It is just a hopeless desire to kiss you on your lips one last time.

such a coincidence

I know I don't do these sort of things, but did you know? tonight would have been our 7th month anniversary? hahaha… wish we could have spent it differently. But anyways, happy anniversary! I just enjoy being around you, so uplifting, sometimes vulgar, and sometimes you give me a heart attack. We have shared many laughs and beautiful memories. Thank you for such an amazing experience, and I love you so much.

tomorrow

and tomorrow I would say goodbye to you.

I saw this day some time ago, but in a blink of an eye, this day is tomorrow.

I'm not ready to say goodbye, and my hearts a mess.

and I know you are not too.

but I know it will all be alright. 

study smart, work hard, play harder. 

stay safe, guard your heart, and call us whenever you need us.

I wish you all the best.

and I love you.