Time left

I never want to take anything for granted, especially you. When you broke the news that you would be leaving soon, I was stricken with a pang of contrition. I realize I took our time together for granted. Whenever I'm with you, it feels as if we are lost in the moment, as if time is just an arbitrary number, as if we are infinite.
Reality is harsh and cruel. It has beaten me limp and helpless, especially so when I saw you cry. But I shan't be defeated, I will continue to shower you with love until your imminent departure from Singapore. I will, to my best ability, make the remaining days your happiest!

prom - your perspective - Victory, nigga.

The girls came over. Like almost everyone else, we all rushed to get our dresses fixed, our make up done, our accessories up and the flesh tattoos transferred. All these while I tried to rid the nervous touch of fluttering butterflies in my tummy hoping it doesn't add on to the blush I was powdering on. Anticipating our meeting later on made me nervous, yes it still does. Especially since I'd be seeing you in a suit.

As you know my family and I go to marina bay sands rather often. The shops there, they sell luxury goods. From clothes to shoes, to bags and accessories. Whenever we walk past huge posters boasting their handsome male models all suited up, mama tan and I would whisper to each other about how men just look so... sophisticated. With that touch of masculinity hidden beneath, even a boy looks like a man. I must admit, throughout my 19 years, a whole lot of my mindset is shaped very similarly to my parents'. So traditional I may be. I do not fancy sweggggz. Suits are just a classic (I'm just saying man. It was a suit, right?)

Now that you know how dashing you looked to me that night, the flowers were just.. it was the flowers, Calvin. How you really hit the spot. You travelled your own way to my heart. Making my way up, nobody held flowers and when I was presented with it, I melted. I really just wanted to go 'awwww Calvin~~~'

but nah.
Not my style.

Just know that I really was overwhelmed. I was pleasantly surprised and it was very very sweet of you. The fact that nobody else had flowers made me hold them so much higher (in my head) and prouder. I no longer hide any more affection I want to express for you and towards the end, I was again pleasantly surprised to see that I am not alone in this.

You kissed me in front of our classmate. In fact, you kissed me in front of our classmates. Notice the triumphant smile I have in our photo?
Victory, nigga.

Fun and laughter is one thing. But I will not compromise your safety for anything else. Over time I have learnt how easily life is lost, how it only affects those close to said person and how much of an impact one person can cause. I tried to let you get your rest at macs, but to no avail seeing how you get shaken awake every once in awhile. All it takes is one second Calvin. Please, know that I do care and I genuinely don't want anything to happen to you. During the night it is no doubt a less congested road, but that does not mean it is any safer to drive under such a condition. You must stay safe. I'd never want anything to happen to you.

I'd wanted this post to be much more of a pen to my thoughts, but I got carried away thinking how the night was. I do apologize for this lengthy post. Thank you for everything love. My first prom was made complete with you there. Everyone and especially you were so beautiful. I'm so glad the girls forced you guys into going. Thank you so much.

again.

Recently, it feels as if I'm falling in love, with you actually. I'm falling in love with you again, and I wanted to put it into words, describe how or what I fell in love with. But I can't seem to get it right. It is difficult to do so, because it isn't the significant moments which sparked the chemistry in me, instead, it is all those glances I steal when you are preoccupied, it is your gaze into my eyes, it is the way you smother me with your cute antics, it is the way you pounce on me for a hug or a piggyback. All these added up, and one day while on Skype, I told myself, "what a beautiful and cute lover I have here. I am so thankful (Yea… thankful for a Jin hui in my life.) for having you as my lover.

The end of our Freedom

The past three weeks with you hasn't been a smooth sail all the way. There were rough times, our negative emotions, like turbulent waves, rocking our relationship precariously. There were times when I thought our relationship wouldn't stay afloat.  But against all acrimony, we are still afloat, in fact, sailing.
The past three weeks hasn't been a smooth sail, but it was an unforgettable voyage, and I am thankful that you are sailing with me.

last friday!

My apologies, my insecurities has caused you much frustration, and I was selfishly ignorant of it, I will pay more attention to this in the future.
It was a lovely day, good time spent with cookie and the class! Thank you for waiting up for me to get home. I appreciate that gesture!

friday morning

I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you needed me. I guess I have to face the reality, that I've failed in the aspect of being there for you.

botanics and cookie

You cannot love Jin Hui without loving Cookie!

Cookie and Leaves! 

You will make a good partner :)

murphy's law

"what can go wrong will go wrong." Never would I have expected to be trapped in the room, with you, after sex, with my dad home unexpectedly early. Stories to tell, stories to tell!

a few more days!

surprise! more time for you! yay!

henderson wave

I want to bring you to all the beautiful places, because I want to be remembered for these. I want our memories to be beautiful.

young scientist symposium

Initially, the purpose of attending the young scientist symposium was to obtain a certificate of participation, which I thought would be advantageous for our portfolio. I never thought that I would be genuinely impressed by the exhibition of Final Year Projects, which I was. Suddenly, I felt smarter when the posters were displayed and I could actually understand them. 3 years of study really did change me.
Congratulation Timothy, Jonnie, Divya and Kimbao for the outstanding projects.

printing posters

I must say, after printing the posters out, I feel rather proud of it, and I must thank Timothy for it.

Excuse me sir, do you have a moment to talk about Chryseobacterium indologenes

cafe hopping… not

lets get lost together, walk down along the rows of shophouses, discover lomography and appreciate photographs from Lee brother's studio, then pose for a picture or two, and finally have a coconut and sugarcane to cool off under the evening heat. 

In my eyes, you are a super model.

prom

I'm fine!

ask me out today would you.

hiatus

this blog is giving out a bad vibe. I shall take a hiatus on this posting.

bitter aftertaste

Darling, I don't have much time left with you before I start working. We really don't have time for arguments. I don't know how you can be infuriated at one moment, and endearing the next. I'm sorry as much as I try pretend, I can't be like that. Every time hit a low point, I reflect, and would be left with a bitter aftertaste. I really am starting to believe that me being a thinker is actually a flaw. I want to spend time with you today, but I don't know how to ask. I think I should lay back on making the first move. I'll wait for you to do so.

edit. nothing good is going to come out of this. It would be better if it was removed first.

21st at sea

I actually am an anti-social person, and I usually don't feel "excluded". So I didn't really have a strong desire to attend Shynn's 21st Initially. However, I requested for an invitation from Shynn personally after your persuasion. I am so thankful that you persuaded me, because it was so much fun, and I definitely would have regretted if I didn't attended it.

This party only exacerbated the pressure on myself to become successful. They say the happiest times of boat owners are when they buy their boat and when they sell them. I hope I do get to experience that. Wouldn't life as a seafarer be the perfect adventure. Sailing to the coral atolls, playing with the dolphins, sleeping under the stars. I have had this dream since young, hopefully it would turn into a reality, or at least a fragment of it.

I also enjoyed taking care of you. From the drunken stagger out of Sentosa, to running for the last train, and unfortunately missing it, resulting in inevitably cabbing home. Taking care of you shows my devotion and concern for you as a friend, as a lover. It is not in my words in which I hope to reaffirm my love for you, but my actions.

All hands on deck

To be able to let your legs hang above the sea

Wouldn't it be nice to have your best friend in hand and your heart in mouth, taking a leap of faith into the seas.

Sunset marks the end of our fun under the sun.

What I love about dinner was the amount of attention put into the details

Happy birthday Shynn, may you dive with the humpbacks and sperm whales.

Cream and Champagne

wine on the yacht, let us sail the seven seas

16/04/2012 - 04/03/2015

FYP final presentation is the last event on our polytechnic education calendar. We are done, we are at the end of the road. Gosh, time flies, I still remember the first day of our journey, we were all wearing yellow, and we sat cluelessly outside the atrium, introducing ourselves. Now, we are at the Science Block taking the final photos with our FYP partner.

The modules I have learnt in this diploma wasn't easy, but it was also immensely interesting. It really opened up a the world of medicine to me, and I will carry this knowledge even after we graduate. The hours mugging wasn't fun at all, but looking back, we can say "we did it!".

All the various CCAs that I have partook in, I wish I was more diligent in attending them, but I sure made many memories there, especially Scuba Diving, from the first trip with the ridiculous bunch to the latest dive trip with Hazwan, I have definitely forged strong friendship with these people. 

Days I will never forget would be those during my Internship, I miss you Ruyi, and everybody, having such a dynamic and unique job, a youthful team to work with, and such an glamourous work environment, it was truly the most amazing, exhilarating and rewarding experience of my educational journey. 

makeup sex

You know I can't resist your embraces. When we kiss, my lips quiver ever so slightly. When we undress, I come undone. Just yesterday, things were heated. It is still heated today, but I have you in my arms.

zen moment.

well….. after a thought or two. I think it is rather silly to continue this unhappiness. Last night is sti not alright. But, I, would like to spend some good quality time with you, both of us happy. I will treasure the time I have with you. after all it is my last week free. :)

unhappiness.

I am going to reiterate, I am not discouraging you from taking your license, I am only asking you to put more thought into it. If you have made up your mind, I would support your decision wholly. In fact, I would be certainly most ecstatic if you were to take your license, after all, I have been advocating for the love of the ocean, I have been helping people obtain their diving certification. And I would accompany you for the trip. Yes I will.

Yesterday night left me utterly speechless. The whole debate was irrational. In the end both of us was left bitter. I felt that even if I tried to talk things out it wasn't going to be logically thought through. You were too filled with emotions by that point of time and your mind was shut off.  Therefore, I dropped the topic. But that doesn't mean that I am going to let this whole episode go. I am just handling this episode in a manner which I believe would cause as little ire as possible. I hope you give yesterday a thought, as I want to be vindicated of your accusations, and hopefully receive an sincerely apology.

If you were wondering, I am more of upset and perturbed than angry at you. 

You always question whether I am scared of you. I am not. In fact, I understand and deeply respect you and I want to shower you with love. Above all, I want you to be happy. 

unhappiness.

You said that I seemed unhappy with you lately. Well. That isn't true, but that isn't untrue either. I am just unhappy. Lately there have been plenty on my mind. I am very much of a thinker, and thoughts sometime can affect me adversely.

Sunday was particularly unsettling for me, as I was worried for you, to add on, I wasn't there when you needed me.

It was amazing to be reunited with you on monday, but it was so difficult to ask you out, almost seemed like you were hesitant to meet me. But I had a delightful time when I met you, and I won't forget the hug that you gave me when we met.

Tuesday you were bothered by the rollerblades issue, apart from that you were frustrated when I denied your sexual advances. Honestly, I am dying to make love with you. But I do not want to put you in through hell again. Please do see it in my perspective and appreciate my willpower. Nonetheless it was an enjoyable time with you, especially that nap we took together, you in my arms.

I felt as if I was intruding on you and Reuben's personal time, and you did reveal quite a bit during the drive home.. But nonetheless it was a pleasure getting to know him better, so thank you for the night. And I still do remember you saying before turning in, "thank you calvin, you are the best." Although I do question the authenticity of that statement (because I did tell you that I wanted to be your best just a day ago), still, it did give me the warm fuzzy feeling.

I didn't want to tell you that my uncle passed away, because I knew if you knew, guilt would consume you, but I not making it for his funeral isn't your fault. My uncle was someone rather close to my family, and his demise shocked and saddened all of us. You were sharp, and your glares were sharper. I tried to keep it a secret, but I couldn't resist your pleads, just know that darling it is not you fault. Thursday was fun though, especially with the lories.

I really wanted to spend some quality private time with you on friday, perhaps baking or cooking. But I found you perplexed about your opinions on sex. I understand where you are coming from, but darling, it is kind of confusing me a little, especially so when later on, you became very frustrated when I declined your sexual advances. Nonetheless it was an enjoyable day, thank you!

And I don't have much time left with you darling. Hopefully we could squeeze a little private time next week!

This post isn't intended to make you feel guilty, please please please don't be alright, instead, I guess it is my way of sharing. That pretty much sums up everything in my mind now, hopefully it helps you understand me better.